Loneliness and Loved Ones
Studying abroad has taught me a lot about myself and about the world, about friends and "friends," about appreciation and perspective. As classes finish up this week and my time abroad is more than half way over, I've been reflecting a lot on my experience thus far.
I daydreamed about what it would be like to study abroad for the entire year leading up to it. I imagined myself traveling all around Europe with 10 other girls, sitting at cafes doing homework together, movie nights. In reality, I spend most of my time during the week by myself (part of this is due to the fact that I directly enrolled in a university abroad rather than go through a program, but still). The first two months I went out into London every day, doing homework only at night; I had time to explore the city then. But the study part of study abroad became very real very quickly, and the time I spent in London during the weeks were spent in my room grinding out all my reading for school and working on assignments, even during the 3 week long strike my university had! I would whisk myself away on the weekends, and that was always something to look forward to, but during the week there wasn't much to look forward to except for the episode of Downton Abbey I allowed myself to watch during dinner.
My flatmates are nice, making sure to say hi to me whenever any of them are in the kitchen with me, but the truth is I'm temporary and they have their lives and friends already. I have two great British friends (shoutout to Danial and Nish) but didn't get to see them for weeks with the strike. I also didn't get to see other friends like Julia, whether it was because they were traveling during the week or because we were all busy with work. The truth is, I've been by myself for basically the last month in London. In reality, study abroad is not nearly as glamorous as what I'd imagined.
But that's okay! And that's the epiphany I've finally come to. Because I've had experiences that I didn't imagine ever having. I never thought I would take solo trips anywhere, trips that have been some of the best ones I've been on this semester. I never thought I would meet incredible people and friends along the way as I journeyed around. But I have, and those are precious experiences and memories I will always cherish. They've taught me that there are always people like you out there, you just have to go out and find them.
This past weekend, I traveled with Bus2Alps to Croatia, which was a beautiful country. I joined the trip myself, thinking I'd be the only solo traveler. To my surprise, there were many other solo travelers, and I met a lot of great friends on the trip. Hunter arrived at the meeting point right after me and we started talking and found out we had a lot in common, whether it was a love for Game of Thrones, the struggle of being a STEM major, or a passion for photography. Soon enough, I had a buddy for the long 18 hour bus ride ahead and to explore Split with! Everyone who heard how long it took to get to/from Croatia from Rome (yep, I flew to Rome from London first) said it must've been awful, when in reality, having friends on the bus made it fun. Nate was another good friend I made on the trip. While waiting for our night trip to the island of Trogir for dinner, we both plopped down in bean bag chairs. When our usually very light-hearted conversation full of jokes and teasing turned serious for a second, I realized I felt totally comfortable talking about things I've only told a few of my closest friends with someone I had known for 48 hours at that point. Maybe it's something about spending a few days straight with people that allows for a certain kind of close friendship where you click right away, but the friends I've made on weekend trips I've joined by myself (like the great gangs from Morocco or Amsterdam) have been some of the best friends I've had, however short our time together was. The night that Hunter, Nate, and I forewent the optional bar crawl and went for Nutella milkshakes and a walk by the beach for some night photography/videography was one of the best nights I've had abroad and just in general!
Another great friend I made abroad was Ronja. She's from Germany and worked on a farm in Iceland for 3 weeks as part of her year off from school to travel, how cool is she!? We both were on the same day tour to the South Coast of Iceland and clicked immediately. We talked about everything from traveling to school to friends, all while getting to explore the gems of Iceland together and huffing and puffing as we ran from place to place, trying to see everything. So thanks Ronja for making Iceland a particularly special trip!
My time abroad has made me learn that loneliness isn't always a bad thing, and being okay with occasional feelings of loneliness is a valuable skill you have to (and can!) acquire. I've learned to be okay with spending time by myself, with not having to text people constantly out of a desire for someone to know what I'm doing or thinking every second of the day, because I know people genuinely care and that desire is totally irrational and a superficial measurement of friendship! (Yes, Liam, you were right, but just this once!) I've learned to just live my life with less worrying because I know what counts about friendships, whether they are lifelong friendships, 72 hour friendships, or anything in between. It took some time and adventuring, but I've found people I've genuinely clicked with wherever I go, and these are the meaningful friendships that will last long past my time abroad. Friends will come and go, and that's okay. Focus on the ones that are still there and do care because it's sometimes too easy to get lost in thinking about those who don't!
I'm more comfortable sitting in silence with my thoughts, more comfortable with myself and my fears. Because it's all about perspective. After some hard times at Cornell, I'm now super excited when I go back home to get back to school and hang out with all my friends like Sam and Shannon, whose friendship I know I never have to question. So this one is for all of you near and dear to my heart! Stay strong, stay adventurous, and above all, stay hopeful. Be thankful and focus on the good! Good friends and good times are out there, you just have to find them.