Reflections
I chose a picture of the Hall of Mirrors in the Palace of Versailles for this diary entry because I thought it was quite fitting. Mirrors make you look at yourself, see yourself from the outside. You come face to face with the good but also your flaws. We don't always get that many opportunities to do this -- it's not something you necessarily want to do and yet you can learn a lot from it -- and Paris was exactly that for me.
They say studying abroad changes you, but that sounds cheesy and untrue. I didn’t think it would happen to me, not significantly at least. My friend Sam about a month into studying abroad, asked me with a laugh if study abroad had changed me yet. I certainly felt more comfortable with being independent, getting around and getting by all by myself, better with street smarts, but I didn’t feel like I was a changed person.
That’s where Paris comes in. I wouldn’t call it an epiphany, but it was the first time I had to actually confront my mentalities. In Paris, I learned what my dad has been telling me all this years, something I’ve found silly and refused to believe until now: whatever you think will happen, will happen. It’s like the mindset version of Murphy’s Law almost. My dad has always said that positive thinking will ensure a good result and negative thinking a bad result. Paris showed me the truth in that.
My first night in Paris, on my way to meet my friends for dinner, a guy knocked me down a flight of 15 stone stairs in the train station with their suitcase. I tumbled several times and was badly injured, sitting by myself as the guy walked past me without saying anything and people staring. I was lucky enough to finally meet up with great friends who helped me out -- I'm not sure what I would've done without them. Here's to having friends who are there for you always!
It was a hard way to begin the weekend in the place I had always dreamed of visiting. I of course had expectations, things I wanted to see and do, an idea of what Paris would be like. Instead, I was limping around, constantly in pain, and that was hard to shake off frankly. After hours of walking around the Louvre, I was drained and had to sit down, and yet, at the same time I wanted to keep going and see the city. Even though my friends were amazing in helping me through that first night, I couldn't see past the bad luck I had gotten.
Why couldn't I focus on the good? Appreciate my friends who helped me and enjoy their company? I learned to not take the good things for granted and to focus on those things, to be open and okay with whatever happens, because having expectations and not being able to get past unfortunate circumstances kept me from having the experience I wanted. I consider myself a pretty happy person in general, but when things get me down, they get me down hard. I get stuck in a never ending loop of negative thinking and emotions that just cause more of the same situations I want to escape.
Paris taught me to be open and to go with the flow, to not put myself in a box. Once I did, I met a new friend who I ended up going to dinner and Versailles with -- thanks for all the fun, Ab! And on the flip side, not being able to move past things, such as my frustration with the injury or not being able to get in touch with my friends because of bad service, held me back and resulted in the complete opposite of what I wanted to happen in Paris. I wasn't enjoying things fully, I didn't go out with my friends -- all things that tainted my experience in Paris.
And yet, the city of light taught me about silver linings. That if you can just get through the darkness in the tunnel, instead of dragging your feet through it, there can be a light at the end -- not being able to get past it just keeps you in the dark and cold even longer. It took this experience to truly believe all this, and while it wasn't pleasant in the moment, I'm glad it happened because it will stick with me and I will make sure to grow from it. Make the best of the cards dealt to you and don't dwell on the less than ideal. It's not worth it and it's a waste of everyone's time and energy, not just yours. Move on, leave things in the past. And stay positive. It makes all the difference!